The American Jerk Month In Pictures

"All The News We Could Make Up While Drunk"

By Paul St. Fakename, Esq.

March 2, Los Angeles, CA: Gearing Up For a Vicious Presidential Race, Gore Retains "Gambino Family Hired Goon Service, LLC"; Denies Ordering Bush's Kneecaps to "Sleep Wit Da Fishes."

March 5, Moscow, Russia: Russian Scientists At Loss to Explain Gaping Hole in Ozone Over Miss Moscow Pageant; Theorize Their Computers Might Be "Hammered on Vodka Shots."

March 8, Louisville, KY: The Head of Kentucky's State Senate Subcommittee on Whiskey's Role in the Workplace Concludes "Oogh, I Arer Soooooooooooo Fuckojng Hagammemred", Orders Pizza, Passes Out.

March 13, Madison, WI: New Study of America's Nursing Homes Finds 30% Prone to Elder Abuse, 40% Understaffed, and 98% Lacking Ready Access to Hardcore Internet Pornography

March 18, Jerusalem, Israel: Pope's Health Declining; Pontiff Claims It's "Getting Harder and Harder to Picture the Cute Nuns Naked."

March 25, New York City: Tie Designer Showcases New "Communicable Disease" Line; Ad Campaign Asks Women to "Give Your Man Syphilis For Christmas and AIDS For Father's Day!"

March 28, Phoenix, AZ: After a Landslide Super Tuesday Loss, A Drunken, Belligerent John McCain "Whips It Out".

Check out our March, February and January Months in Pictures

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The American Jerk™ and all contents © 1999 - 2005 by Rob Reuter and Paul St. Fakename, Esq., © 2006 by Rob Reuter.