Tag Archives: medicine

Ah yes, living green. The cure to all of 21st century America’s problems! Why, of COURSE you should raise your daughters to live green! Let them develop into dirty, filthy hippies! Because of all God’s creatures, the hippie is the LEAST likely to indulge in premarital relations. [read more at link] Continue reading →

But God forbid you put an “unknown” vaccine into your precious little unique snowflake child. I got news for you: every parent thinks their child is special. My parents thought I was; when I was a kid they thought I would grow up to walk on water. Now, thirty-odd years later, they’ve had to come to terms with the fact that I can barely call a cab on bourbon. [read more at link] Continue reading →

Trust me: no one but you gives a flying fuck about your eyelashes. You seem surprised; don’t be. This is because eyelashes cannot be pulled, squeezed, tweaked, fondled, rubbed, caressed, fingered or penetrated. Therefore, we don’t care. When it comes to sexual attraction, if you strapped a guy into a polygraph and asked him to testify under oath, he would probably be unable to even rudimentarily describe any given woman’s eyelashes. Or eye color. Or, indeed, if she even has a head. [read more at link] Continue reading →

My nuts cure the sick and heal and comfort the afflicted! My Gummy Wonder Twins bring eyesight to the blind and allow the crippled to walk! I’ll see your carrying a “little miracle” for nine months, and raise you the magic sack I carry 24/7… [read more at link]
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