Thank you for your interest in working for Hewlett Packard! To supplement the information on your resume, please complete this employment application in it’s entirety. Answers to all questions are required.
Good Luck! –Patricia C. Dunn, C.E.O.
First Name______________ M.I.__ Last Name_________________
Address_____________________________________________________
Social Security Number______________________________________
Drivers License Number and Issuing State____________________
Automobile Registration Number____________________
Location Vehicle is Parked During Non-Business Hours__________
Frequency Undercarriage of Vehicle is Inspected ________
Home Telephone Number________________
Home Telephone Voice Mail Code_______________
Lamp Closest To Home Telephone____________
Have you ever had a telephone conversation with anyone which was at cross purposes with the needs of your employer? Yes___ No____
Really? Yes___ No___
Then who were you talking to last night at 9:43 p.m.? _______
Are you lying to me? Yes___ No___
Yes, you are! You were talking to that whore Carly, weren’t you? Yes___ No___
What does she have that I don’t have? _________________
Don’t you think I’m pretty anymore? Yes___ No___
You know those tits are fake, right? Yes___ No___
I’ll never measure up to Carly in your eyes, will I? Yes___ No___
Why should I put the gun down? ____________________
Who are these people? _____________________
You think I need an intervention? Yes___ No___
Are those handcuffs? Yes___ No___
Where are you taking me, you bastard? _____________________
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I, the undersigned, swear under the pains and penalties of perjury that the answers given on this employment application are true to the best of my knowledge, and that Patsy this the bestest, prettiest girl and that I will love her forever, and I will never tell C-Net anything different.
Name_________________ Date__________
[tags]HP, Hewlett Packard, Patricia Dunn, Carly Fiorina, pretexting, dark humor, satire[/tags]
