-
Categories
Archives
Category Archives: Editorial
iDouche
Yeah, the iPad can play your music for you, which is great… until you want to go jogging, and you have to duct-tape the pig to your back like you’re going to use it to kill Hans Gruber… [read more at link] Continue reading
Weaponized Rugrats
But God forbid you put an “unknown” vaccine into your precious little unique snowflake child. I got news for you: every parent thinks their child is special. My parents thought I was; when I was a kid they thought I would grow up to walk on water. Now, thirty-odd years later, they’ve had to come to terms with the fact that I can barely call a cab on bourbon. [read more at link] Continue reading
An Honor to Be Nominated
Wow, what a morning! I was awakened by the telephone at 6 a.m.and was told that I’ve been awarded the Pulitzer Prize in letters for my book Just Tuck Them Hind Legs In The Front Of Your Boots So She Can’t Run Away… That’s Good Lovin’: The Private Crawford Ranch Hi-Jinks of President George W. Bush! I am so honored, especially considering I haven’t written it yet. [read more at link] Continue reading
Posted in Editorial, Foul-Mouthed Demagoguery
Leave a comment
Lashing Porn
Trust me: no one but you gives a flying fuck about your eyelashes. You seem surprised; don’t be. This is because eyelashes cannot be pulled, squeezed, tweaked, fondled, rubbed, caressed, fingered or penetrated. Therefore, we don’t care. When it comes to sexual attraction, if you strapped a guy into a polygraph and asked him to testify under oath, he would probably be unable to even rudimentarily describe any given woman’s eyelashes. Or eye color. Or, indeed, if she even has a head. [read more at link] Continue reading
Ghost: The Sequel
I knew my limitations: even at sixteen I knew that being asked by a girl to lift her over my head Dirty Dancing-style would be a no less fantastic request than had she asked me to pick her daisies from the surface of the moon, or to stop prematurely ejaculating. [read more at link] Continue reading