Tag Archives: comic books
Epic Fail, Part III
Enter: Nite Owl, who apparently spent half a billion dollars on the Owlship alone, all to give him an excuse to indulge his spandex-on-spandex fetish with similarly unbalanced chicks. Looked at correctly, he’s one feathery cape away from being a fucking furry. [read more at link] Continue reading
Epic Fail, Part II
These are pictures I snapped around my house just before I sat down to write this. There’s no picture of my first print actual issues of Watchmen because I’m too hung over to be digging through twenty-five longboxes to find them. I’m showing you these to prove something to you, and it’s not just that I found it impossible to get laid in high school.
There are two things in this world that I know backwards and forwards: where to get Internet porn, and Watchmen. And until somebody makes a 100 million dollar movie about the other one (Which would be impossible. It wouldn’t cost one million to make a movie that lasts fifteen seconds where you already know how it ends. Even if you shot it in iMax. Which I do not recommend. I’m digressing again, aren’t I?), you’re gonna have to believe me when I tell you that you’re on my turf here… and that you will not like it. [read more at link] Continue reading
Epic Fail, Part I
You finally get your hands on the [comic] book, and as you’re checking the cover to see who drew it you notice the price and fuck me sideways, they want four dollars? For a fucking twenty-four page magazine? You toss the book back on the shelf and head back to the street, passing a newsstand that you notice carries a magazine promising a hundred pages of glossy photos of skanks bound in “erotic” positions with every form of tape known to man, including Memorex… for $3.50. [read more at link] Continue reading
Dear Marvel Comics
However, in a comic book, a double-page spread ad means a complete break in the story. It sucks you completely out of the experience while you turn a second page to get back to the story. It’s like the film breaking at a movie, or an Emergency Alert System test in the middle of a TV show, or your sex partner asking you to hold up for a minute while she changes out her colostomy bag. [read more at link] Continue reading
Tod Browning’s Comic-Con
“And as I remember, it wasn’t that much fun when that Greg boy from up the street was beating you up for wearing Spider-Man Underoos.”
“Oh Mom, stop reminding me of my twenty-fifth birthday.” [read more at link] Continue reading