The American Jerk Month in Pictures

"All the News We Could Make Up While Drunk"

By Paul Marino

"Andres, I need another hooker for my dad. Yeah, it happened again..."

November 3, Miami, FL: Battling Questions About His Knowledge of Foreign Leaders, Presidential Hopeful George W. Bush Points Out His "Close Business Relationship With Columbian President Arango, or, As I Like to Call Him, Señor Feelgood."

"Oh yeah? Well, yer daddy could fuck a Froot Loop!"

November 9, Washington, DC:

President Clinton Publicly Questions Alan Greenspan's Current Economic Policy and "The Size of His Manhood."

"MMMAAAAAATTTTLOCK! We want MMMAAAAAATTTLOCK!"

November 16, Studio City, CA:

Viewers React to the New CBS Fall Lineup.

"Aw, you shouldn't have. Hey, it's even ribbed!"

November 20, Washington, DC:

Senator Dodd and Other Members of Congress Reward the President With New "Big Daddy" Invisible Dildo; Clinton Says He "Feels Like a Boy Again."

"Would you like more Turkey and Stuffing of Christ?"

November 25, San Francisco, CA: Homeless to Sister Mary of the Not-Exactly-Immaculate-Fellatio: "More Potatoes, Less Beard Hair, Please."

"...An Jane ax da President, 'Wut kine a seegar is dat agin?'"

November 27, Maui, HI: Hawaii Notes Large Increase in Literacy Rates After Redefining "Literacy" to Include Pidgin English, Ebonics, Pig Latin, or Even Just an Above Average Knowledge of a McDonalds Menu

"Jesse Jackson: Protesting Whatever Since 1967."

November 29, Jackson, SC:

Jesse Jackson Was Less Pleased With His "Big Daddy" Invisible Dildo, Citing Its Bulky Shape and Lack of Availability in the Color Black.

Main Archive Table of Contents

December, 1999 Issue Table of Contents

Y2K, Al Sharpton & My Hot Balls   Mick, Dago, Wop, Smoker   Trenchcoat Jesus

Month In Pictures   Squinty the Monkey

Who Wants to be a Mafioso!   New Year's Resolutions   Do Not Pass Go...

The American Jerk™ and all contents © 1999 - 2005 by Rob Reuter and Paul Marino, © 2006 by Rob Reuter.