Single Entendre, or: You Gotta Enjoy The Little Things

If you’re as lucky as I am, you’ve got a significant other like my girl, who understands that sometimes, after a long day of shoveling code at work, a man only needs two things.

The first? A powerful beverage that will dull the loudest rant about seeking quasi-legal revenge against the goatfuckers at the day job into a weakly-pathetic whimper that Top Gear isn’t on until Friday; if Top Gear was on right now things would be different, and I just know I’ll get that promotion right after I figure out how I got to the bathroom and why my teeth are so damn gritty.

The second, and arguably more important? Something other than work to talk about, be it a major life issue or a simple catchphrase / meme line you can both giggle over… basically anything that doesn’t involve computers, lawyers or industrial-strength, German-manufactured stink-bombs, since the topic will only turn back to that quasi-legal work revenge thing.

And if your significant other is smart and clever like mine is, she’ll figure out how to accomplish both of these things in one shot. Allow me to introduce you to…

Porkslap Pale Ale.

After a ten-hour day, I found this to be a refreshing pale ale with a not-too-malty flavor and a sharp pleasant bitter hop finish. It’s refreshing, not overfilling, and most importantly:

It is called Porkslap.

Serious Eats, one of my girl’s irritating foodie Web sites who’s only saving grace is that it recommended this beer to her, described this beer as having a “barnyardy flavor,” with a hint of honey butter and cream soda flavor, and, as only a hardcore foodie could put it:

It is called Porkslap.

Butternuts Beer and Ale, the brewery that produces the beer, describes it as “flavored with a crystal hop and a touch of fresh ginger,” and “Designed to have a good ale flavor and a crisp finish,” but that only scratches the surface. They completely gloss over the fact that:

It is called motherfucking Porkslap.

Alas, the clarion call of the day job mines calls to me, and to write out all the giggles my girl and I shared over this beer would take too long to write. So in the meantime, please enjoy these motivational posters that capture the spirit of yesterday evening’s jackanapery (Please supply your own Duffman voice while reading these posters).

And allow me to just one more time utter my thanks to my girl: a beautiful, smart, one-in-a-million girlfriend who understands that sometime, the best thing you can do for a guy, without even asking, is:

Give him a Goddamned motherfucking PORKSLAP!

[tags]Porkslap, beer, dark humor, satire[/tags]

Share
This entry was posted in Dirty Pictures. Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Single Entendre, or: You Gotta Enjoy The Little Things

  1. Lance Manion says:

    Sometimes I enjoy a porkslap with a nice chubb.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *