- If The Flash tried to run down stairs at superspeed, he would actually hit the opposite wall, because gravity is constant. #ChildhoodRuined #
- "Once upon a time there was light in my life, now there's only jizz on her nose" #86edFromKaraoke #
- "Have you read Twilight?" "I might once I finish Infinite Jest. Honest." -conversation between some bar skank and me, just now. #
- Thinking of getting MLBTV and becoming a Padres fan #GoRedSox #SeriouslyJustFuckingGo #
- I've been in his bar for four hours and I haven't pissed yet. At least not on anyone who's deserved it. #
- Sir, those Hell's Angels leathers lose some meance and authenticity when you wear them in a bar where a fat woman is yodeling The Jackson 5. #
- Shit. Based on the ugly looks I'm getting, I think the fat yodeler follows me on Twitter. Will throw wings to cover my slow escape. #
- Karaoking In Da Club in a half empty dive bar is deliciously misguided. #
- Dear karaoke singer: Bob Segar called. He hates you. Yes, I know you were singing Elvis; IT IS THAT BAD. #
- Offered the fat yodeler a plate of sliders to sing Poison's Unskinny Bop. Results pending. #
- Dude just showed up for karaoke with a leather Indiana Jones fedora and a tamborine. #KaraokeHustler #LifelessLoser #
- Fat yodeler punted on wings offer, is singing Madonna's Papa Don't Preach. Like someone might fuck her. #YouAreTooFlat #SorryDropTheExtraL #
- EVERLAST COVERS AREN'T SINGING WHERE'S MY HAND GRENADE #karaoke #HowCanYouBeFlatItIsFuckingRap #
- "Good evening, I'm Raylan Givens. Not to be rude, but… have you met my gun?" #justified #
