Category Archives: American Jerk Self Tests

It’s prom season, which means that high school kids everywhere are preparing for that special night when they can get dressed up, go out and act like real adults! Real adults with wretched taste in formalwear who dance like Meth Monkeys and couldn’t hold liquor in a safe… [read more at link] Continue reading →

Thank you for your interest in applying to Harvard University! As you are no doubt aware, we are accepting an incoming Freshman class size of 1,650 students. However, since we receive more than ten times that many applications, we can only afford to admit the most qualified applicants. So please take this short self test to determine if you have what it takes to be a Harvard student… [read more at link] Continue reading →

Thank you for applying for Duke University’s Lacrosse scholarship! In order for us to determine if you have the athletic and academic background to be eligible for this scholarship, please answer the following questions about your classroom and lacrosse experience… [read more at link]
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Thank you for completing this self-test! If you answered “1” to all these questions, congratulations! You are imminently qualified to work at DHS, and we will consider your application following our vetting of your financial records to verify your recent contributions to the Republican National Committee! [read more at link] Continue reading →

Thank you for applying for the Federal No-Bid Contract for running our ports! This contract involves the handling of a critical function of our national infrastructure, which requires extensive caution and deliberation before arbitrarily awarding it on a whim with no public oversight whatsoever. Please complete the following questionnaire to help us determine your eligibility and qualifications for handling this important service! Continue reading →